Helium

Bag-Chasing Addiction Strikes Heschel

By Jared Levy ‘23, Sports Editor

The Entrepreneurship Club is one of Heschel’s most esteemed clubs. In a recent meeting, club leader junior Tessa Butler explained the slang term “Bag-Chasing” to members. “‘Bag-Chasing’ is the act of grinding to get money and become successful,” Butler explained. Apparently, students were so inspired by the club meeting that they all began “Bag-Chasing.”

This week, there were 225 lates to tefillah. 75% of the late students missed tefillah for “Bag-Chasing” purposes. The other 25% were second-semester seniors. 

Outside of school, students were inspired by the Entrepreneurship Club to start their own small businesses. Sophomore Imri Rom founded Juicy Jerseys — a basketball jersey company — and is currently in serious legal disputes with the National Basketball Association. Rom hasn’t attended school in four weeks, which he attributes to “Bag-Chasing.”

However, other students have struggled to understand the concept. Senior Boaz Cohen was seen chasing students through the hallways, trying to grab their backpacks. Since the presentation at the Entrepreneurship Club, 30 backpacks have been reported missing at school.
Heschel students’ grades are at an all-time low, with the schoolwide average sitting at a C-. College counselors and administrators are in disarray, but students seem intent on chasing the bag. Get your money up, Heschel. 

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